Here I am. Yes, right here. No I did not disappear forever, neither physically nor mentally. Somehow, I managed to, once again, find myself being ridiculous busy and not busy at all, seemingly at the same time. Don't ask me to explain it ... I can't. All that's important is that I am now back ... at least, I think I am.
It has actually taken me several weeks just to sit and type this brief missive. I meant to start writing here over a month ago when my idol would have been celebrating his 100th birthday, had he still been living. And then, I meant to keep an online diary of my repeated pilgrimages to Film Forum for their "Essential" series. But the actual thought of sitting and typing was, for some reason, quite unappealing.
Where have I been? Nowhere really. My last post in March appeared during what was to become the busiest two months of my life. If you're in New York and attended this year's Tribeca Film Festival, I only wish I could adequately and concisely explain to you what it took to actually put that puppy on. I've been involved with the festival in some capacity during each of its five editions. Now, I run the Screenings department, among participating in other capacities as well. From mid-March through the end of the festival (May 7), five hours of sleep was a good night. I thought this year might have been easier because I had done this specific job before and would have an additional person working under me. But because of the expansion around the city as well as in days, one extra person was not enough. By the time May 7 rolled around, I was totally burnt out.
However, I was also really excited because it seemed like, although my seasonal festival position was coming to an end after a couple weeks of wrap, I may have created/found a permanent position for myself, and one that I would enjoy. Sadly, it's now virtually August, and this job has not fully materialized as of yet. It's nobody's fault, and I honestly believe it still will, but right now, I find myself in a similar position as the one I was in last summer -- financially and work-wise. Blech. Oh, except last summer I lived on my own in a decent apartment on the Upper West Side, and this summer I live with four other people (not to mention a couple mice and the occasional bug) in Clinton Hill. Ahhhh, life is change,no?
But enough of that. I think part of the reason I had stopped writing was that this blog had actually gotten away from its original intent. Sure, I always meant to write about whatever popped into my head -- personal or otherwise -- but I never really intended to create an online diary of my life. Not that I find anything wrong with the people who choose to do that; it's just not where I wanted to point my lens. "Out of Focus" was always to be a home for my rants: film, TV, general entertainment, sometimes theater, maybe music, occasionally politics ... but overall those first two would be the focus. An entertainment diary maybe; a record of my moods and living locations, not so much. I don't have a problem with anything I've posted in this space, but coming back to it, I just felt I wanted to refocus things a bit. Of course, keeping with the name of this blog, even as I redeclare my intent, said focus will, I'm sure, remain fuzzy.
So what, finally, brought me back today, and (again) what have I been doing since the end of Tribeca and the return of general unemployment? Lots of miscellaneous things, and some of them will be mentioned in coming posts over the coming days. I think the actual final straw that propelled me back to my blog, however, was actually seeing Miami Vice the other night. I hated that movie just enough that a rant started bubbling in the bottom of my gut. When I went home and decided to look at some of the reviews, that crappy movie reflux was working its way up my throat. And right about now, it's on the precipice of exploding through my fingers and onto my little corner of the worldwideinternetwebiverse.
But first things first. Hi. Sorry for deserting you. I hope you didn't take it personally. To those of you who have been curious, thanks. I'll try not to go away for so long again. Consider this an intro or a forward or a precursor to whatever comes next. I'll do my best to make it interesting, or at least something the encourages the occasional stream of love letters and hate mail my spewings have attracted in the past. Ah, I miss them so.