Sadly, I wasn't able to completely avoid Star Jones after all. When the show was over, my girlfriend wanted to turn on E!, and suddenly I find myself watching former ABC News woman and Monday Night Football sideline reporter Lisa Guerrero (and her ginormous breasts!) interviewing Star Jones. Oh poor Star. She had to get up and be in makeup at 9 AM local time today, all in preparation for her E! red-carpet duties. She had to stand there and ask obnoxious and annoying questions to all the people who passed her by and she deemed worthy.
But that's not even the worst of it. Now, she barely has time to party because she's got to get on a red-eye and get back to New York. She has a live TV show to do in the morning, you know. And if you didn't, you do now because she told us all about it. And her fabulous dress, stunning shoes, and gigantic "bling," which once she started, she almost couldn't stop talking about. Also, it turns it that she just had to tell us everything. It was all crucial -- very important. I know this because she started almost every sentence by saying, "I have to tell you...."
Can I ask: what the hell did any of us do that was so wrong that those hidden powers of the universe decided to inflict Star Jones on us? And how much longer must we endure such torture?
I have to tell you: Star Jones, would you fucking die already?!
Posted by: Adam | Monday, January 17, 2005 at 12:03 AM