I'M THINKING THIS SHOULD PISS OFF BOTH THE LITERATI AND CINEASTES, SO LET'S ALL MOURN TOGETHER WHILE SINGING KUMBAYAH

Variety reports today that Barry Sonnenfeld plans to direct a filmed adaptation of Don DeLillo's "White Noise."

Please no. Or how can I say it differently? No! Maybe ... hmmm ... NO! I've long been pained by the news that Brian De Palma is directing an adaptation one of my all-time favorite novels -- James Ellroy's "The Black Dahlia" – with an absurdly inappropriate cast of Mark (sigh) Wahlburg, Josh (Oy!) Hartnett and Scarlett (I-love-her-but-not-in-this) Johannson, but at least I hold out some hope that the stylish and interesting De Palma with some sense of storytelling, the guy who made Carrie, Body Double, The Untouchables and Casualties of War – might show up rather than the purely hack parody of himself De Palma of Mission to Mars, Snake Eyes and Femme Fatale.

But I have absolutely no such hope that the visually interesting but story-impaired Sonnenfeld is anywhere near being capable of adapting the incredibly complex and oblique narrative that is "White Noise" – a book I love – into a satisfying film. I fear way too much Men in Black and Addams Family influence -- particularly visually -- popping in to create an absolute mess of a film.

I'm not trying to blindly criticize Sonnenfeld. I've enjoyed his films, and he has a wonderful eye which is why he was such a fantastic DP. With Get Shorty, he even came dangerously close to actually putting storytelling over style. The Addams Family and Men in Black were both fun, but their sequels each showed the limits of Sonnenfeld's vision. Meanwhile, Wild Wild West and Big Trouble were simply disasters, and now he's going to tackle DeLillo?

I'd love to see a talented, innovative filmmaker tackle this novel and succeed, much as I would have preferred a David Fincher Black Dahlia to the coming De Palma one. But for the time being at least, that hope seems to be an impossibility, and I fear a filmed "White Noise" will be just that and nothing more.

Comments

[Filmbrain]

This is pathetic, honestly.

Did DeLillo approve of this? (I guess he would have to.) I can't imagine White Noise as a film, and ESPECIALLY not by someone like BS. Any word on who will pen the screenplay?

As for Black Dahlia -- wow! I don't think you could find a more inappropriate cast if you tried!

[drew]

Hey, Femme Fatale is just as good as Body Double, I tell ya.

And agreed, Wahlberg is the pits. But I think this will be a great opportunity for Scarlett to show that she can do more than people expect. Betcha a buck that regardless of how the flick turns out, she winds up being solid in it.

[Aaron]

I couldn't disagree with you more, Drew. Body Double was made by a vital, still young filmmaker who took a lot of glee in combining two old thrillers he loved, putting them through his more modern filmmaking sensibility filter and resulting in an 80s classic thriller filled with pop culture value. Femme Fatale was made by an old and bitter filmmaker who has forgotten his talent and now prefers to remake his own old movies using a paint-by-numbers formula. Was it as bad as Mission to Mars? No, but not much is. But it certainly is not the equal of Body Double.

As for Scarlett ... she's the least problematic part of the cast, but she's also the least important of the three. I'm sure she'll be OK, but it's still a slight miscasting. Hartnett is the more tragic choice than Wahlberg, but neither of them are strong enough actors -- especially with De Palma directing since often the quality of his films are directly proportional to the talent of his actors and therefore how little he has to actually direct them -- for these two incredibly complex roles. They're both too showy in their emotional acting and not intuitive whatsoever, which is the quality these characters need more than anything.

I actually can't express adequately (which is why I haven't written about it) how tortured I am by "The Black Dahlia" being made in this way. It's literally one of my three or four all time favorite reads.

[Marleigh]

Any bets on how long it will take for some activist group to get up in arms over the "Hitler Studies" portion of the story?

This is a very, very, very, very, very bad idea. They should have chosen The Names to adapt to the screen—the narrative would be much more engaging visually and it's full of suspense. Moreover, that story takes place in the Near East and Greece during the '80s, which would make a good mirror for the events going on in the Middle East now.

Besides that, the point of White Noise is going to be lost in a movie. No one is going to get the joke. The only potential good that could come of this is that more people will read the book.

They should make a movie of The Secret History. If they didn't screw it up completely, that would make a better film than this nonsense.

[Erik Barmack]

You know, it seems like we always want it both ways -- if Hollywood makes lame TV shows into movies, we accuse producers and directors for not taking chances on real projects. And now we have this: a major director who's willing to take a shot at adapting a really, really good book. Shouldn't we at least give hime a shot? Wouldn't a bad version of WHITE NOISE be more interesting than most of the movies out there?